Chapter 1


It happened again. My therapist told me it might help to write the events down if I wasn’t going to confront her.

Where should I start?

My wife Ashley and I have been happily married for almost six years. She’s the love of my life and our relationship is perfect, or was, or is, I dont fucking know.

Anyway, she’s supportive, and sweet, and everything a loving wife should be.

After the pandemic my wife and I had to share an office while working from home and started to get a little sick of eachother. We stopped having sex and I started to notice signs of depression in both of us, so about six months ago I started seeing a therapist. Her first suggestion was to put me on medication to help me get a good night’s sleep, and it worked. I slept like a baby for the first time in months and started noticing big changes in my life.

My mood improved, I had more energy during the day, and I was able to get more work done. Then my wife's mood began to improve, like, really improve. It’s like she became a different person. She was always cute and generally happy but she started acting… I don’t know, bubbly. It rubbed off on me and I became more happy, started smiling more. She became more affectionate and we started having sex again. It really seemed like our marriage was evolving into something I never dreamed it could have. We fell deeper in love, we started going on dates, and the sex became… I can't even describe it. We fucked like teenagers, it was something else.

I don't really want to write what comes next. I’m a grown ass man and I’m scared to write in a notebook. Gotta just bite the bullet on this one I guess.

About three months ago, we went out drinking with friends on a Friday night. Ashley had been making it a habit of being designated driver on our nights out. She said that she liked letting me let loose and didn’t have to worry about a hangover the next day. I wasn’t going to complain, I wasn't a heavy drinker but I liked to have three or four drinks without worrying about failing a breathalyzer. When we got home that night she told me to go ahead and go to bed and that she was going to stay up and watch a movie. I kissed her goodnight and walked upstairs.

It’s important to know that we live in a small, one bedroom house so we can pay off our student loans. Our bedroom is lofted above our kitchen and has a chest-high half wall balcony that looks down on the living room below. It’s small but it doesn’t feel small and we don't need a lot of space, anyway, not important.

I laid down in bed and my phone buzzed. It was a reminder that I had a doctor’s appointment at 8 am the next morning, on a saturday. Why the hell I ever scheduled that I'll never know but my sleeping pill made me sleep like a rock. My sleeping pill after a few drinks(dont tell my doctor) made me sleep like a dead rock, my wife knew this. So, I layed in bed and decided having one night of bad sleep to make sure I made my appointment wouldn't be the end of the world. Little did I know, the world I knew was about to change forever.

I laid in bed for about thirty minutes, tossing and turning. The buzz from the alcohol certainly wasn't helping and I was about to abandon my doctor's appointment and just take a pill when I realized the TV wasn't on. The living room below my bedroom was dead silent which was weird for Ashley, even if she was scrolling on her phone I would hear the occasional TikTok.

I pulled off the covers and crept to the edge of the room, peeking over the half wall. We had a wrap around couch that took up most of our living room and Ashley was sitting directly below me, reclining in the corner of our deep couches. The lights in the room were off so even if she had looked straight up at me, I was pretty close to invisible. I sighed in relief and walked back to my bed, then stopped. Ashley hadn’t been scrolling an endless stream of social media, she was swiping left and right.

I peered over the wall again and she was sitting in the same skirt and blouse we had gone out in, except her panties were dangling off her foot. Her skirt was pulled up and she was rubbing slow circles around her pussy as she casually swiped a dating app. I stared at the muscled figures jettisoning off the right side of her screen.

I know now I was in shock but at the time, I just stared down at her for a good fifteen minutes without a single thought in my head, like my brain was trying to download the new world I had just stepped into. This was just so unlike her, she was quiet and timid, she never even mentioned being into other people, here she was masturbating to the idea of fucking another guy? When I finally came to, I was surprised at my own emotions. I always thought I would fly into a rage, or curl up in a ball and cry, but I didn’t have those impulses. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to ask her why she would put such an amazing relationship at risk, and see if there was any way to salvage what we had built. So I took a deep breath and walked toward the stairs.

Before I had taken two full steps, there was a quiet knock at the door. I froze. She had actually gone through with it. There was someone at my door who thought he was going to fuck my wife.

I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t hurt, I was erect.